Vine Plantation

By | September 29, 2016

ALL RIGHT,
Y’ALL GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.
WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY
FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL,
GET ON UP THERE. PUT THAT WHIP DOWN
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION
I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT
IN THIS MOTHER[bleep].

HELLS YEAH. WE HAVE LOT A,
LOT B, AND LOT C. UH, $3 ON LOT A.
$4. 5! $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN
IN THE BLACK HAT. I MEAN, GOOD.
YEAH. [chuckles] I’M GLAD
I DIDN’T GET SOLD, ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED
BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER
KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I’MA GO BUCKWILD
ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. OKAAY? NEXT ONE,
GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. OH, THISOKAY. both: [inhale] $6 ON LOT A. $7!
EIGHT.

9! $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! both: [exhale] OKAY, WELL,
YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. IT’S A NOBRAINER.
I MEAN, THAT GUY’S HUGE. A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. THAT’S TWO OF ME.
ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. I’D BUY THAT DUDE.

MY QUESTION IS
HOW’D THEY CATCH HIM? NEXT! OKAY. OH, YEAH.
YEAH. $2 ON LOT A. $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. SEE, NOW,
THAT SURPRISES ME. THAT IS INTERESTING,
TO SAY THE LEAST..

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